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JAKE AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY

We’ve all been there. Those days where absolutely nothing appears to be going our way. You wake up late for work…spill coffee all over your brand new jeans…get into the car just to realize you’re completely out of gas. Yep, that kind of day.

This past week, a Deuxmoi reader submitted a very detailed account of Jake Gyllenhaal allegedly really going through it. The exclusive source stated, “Jake Gyllenhaal was in Austin for SXSW and went to a popular restaurant for dinner. He had the worst experience ever. He didn’t make a reservation, so there wasn’t a private area for him to eat in. People were taking pictures, and he was annoyed.”

As if the lack of privacy for the actor wasn’t enough to send him over the edge, he received an unwelcome surprise in his meal. “THEN, he took a bite of Brussels sprouts, and there was allegedly metal from the fry basket in the food. It cut the roof of his mouth.”

But wait…it gets way worse. The source continued, “He went to the bathroom and there was vomit everywhere, so he moved on to another bathroom. But there was a woman vomiting in there, so he was unable to tend to his bleeding mouth. I believe the quote was ‘GET ME OUT OF HERE.’” The source, who received this uncanny account, explained how this intel was passed to her through the local Austin grapevine and is all alleged.

Regardless, it’s our sincerest hope that Jake was eventually able to stop the bleeding and enjoy the remainder of his meal...metal-free.